Jokes

[harland292]

Can we have a sticky for jokes

I bought a race horse today , Iv decided to call it " My face ", Im going to enter it into a few races, I dont care if it never wins, or makes me big money.... I just want to hear thousands of fu@king posh tarts at ascot shouting " Come on my face "

[t'mill]

I was shopping for a new shirt and the shop assistant said "Would you like to try it on?" I said "Yes, fancy a sh*g?"

I love to pamper my wife after she's had a hard stressful day in work. I run the taps, swirl around the foam and bubbles, timing everything just right so when she walks through the door she can crack on with the washing up.

[piggy22]

Why do firemen have big ears?













Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom

[rovermadman4825]

I saw a ginger girl buying a rape alarm today.












I couldnt help but admire her optimisim

[Dave_ZS]

Got a good one...














Roverdose214

[limpabit]

Apparently slapping my wife on the bum and saying "two sugars fatty" isn't what PG tips mean by agitating the bag.

[mike88]

Got a good one...














Roverdose214

I thought that but with the OP instead.

[Dave_ZS]

Got a good one...














Roverdose214

I thought that but with the OP instead.

You bad, bad man

[Chris_TI]

Q. What do Penguins wear to the beach?










A. Abeak-ini



As i eat my penguin for lunch.

[Vard66]

I move we put up a standing ban on Penguin wrapper jokes.

[Marty]

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.I shouted up 2 him "what's the matter Abdul, won't it start?"




I can't believe it, my wife has just thrown me out of the house for measuring my c**k.
Anyway, for the record it just reaches the back of her sisters throat.




I was having a s*it this morning on a train when a voice shouted 'can I see your ticket please?'. 'Not right now', I replied, 'I'm having a s*it!'. 'I don't believe you' said the voice, slide it under the door, ' ' no probs' I said ' the yellow bits are sweetcorn!

[Dave]

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape!!!!

Cheers
Dave

[lennox1185]

As a trucker in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde in her car pulls up alongside.

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door the trucker lowers the window, and she says, 'Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load.'

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. And as if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, 'Hi, my name is Sharon , and you are losing some of your load!'

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window again she says, 'Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load!'

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light when he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says.......








.......Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a gritter!'

[harland292]

I hooked up with a girl with OCD last night. She told me she was obsessed with doing everything alphabetically. soo first we did Anal, then she gave me a Blowjob, then i licked her Clit, and then i took her Doggy style, i then got up and got dresses, She shouted " What about E?" I said iv done E sweetheart, Iv Ejaculated. Now im doing F,G & H....

Fu*&ing going home...

[Chris_TI]

I move we put up a standing ban on Penguin wrapper jokes.

Oooo

Can't beat a Penguin straw

[BlueRover]

I used to get a daily email with a joke. I collected them and created a text file. There are hundreds of jokes. I may post one every day.

I just have to find the file now as it's backed up somewhere.

Things like 6 foot assholes and p.ussy apples spring to mind.

[jmurray01]

Apparently slapping my wife on the bum and saying "two sugars fatty" isn't what PG tips mean by agitating the bag.

What did the doctor say ? Will you walk again ?

[limpabit]

Apparently slapping my wife on the bum and saying "two sugars fatty" isn't what PG tips mean by agitating the bag.

What did the doctor say ? Will you walk again ?

Would not dare! One of the things she said, if she ever found out I cheated. She would wait for me to go a sleep. Then put a wax strip over the end of the man piece. Then wait for me to get up in the morning for the morning pee. When I have to rip it off to go!
Best she don't find out then!

[BlueRover]

Apparently slapping my wife on the bum and saying "two sugars fatty" isn't what PG tips mean by agitating the bag.

What did the doctor say ? Will you walk again ?

Would not dare! One of the things she said, if she ever found out I cheated. She would wait for me to go a sleep. Then put a wax strip over the end of the man piece. Then wait for me to get up in the morning for the morning pee. When I have to rip it off to go!
Best she don't find out then!

I guess your username would be quite suitable then ?

[harland292]

Apparently slapping my wife on the bum and saying "two sugars fatty" isn't what PG tips mean by agitating the bag.

What did the doctor say ? Will you walk again ?

Would not dare! One of the things she said, if she ever found out I cheated. She would wait for me to go a sleep. Then put a wax strip over the end of the man piece. Then wait for me to get up in the morning for the morning pee. When I have to rip it off to go!
Best she don't find out then!

I guess your username would be quite suitable then ?

Haha

[limpabit]

The reason I thought of the login name, is many moons ago, I broke my toe. Everybody kept coming up to me saying, "your limping a bit". So had to explain how I broke my toe.